So, as far as I'm concerned, I have successfully completed an hour of weight training by simply avoiding the drive-through at McDonald's!  Although I could clearly hear the filet of fish, small fries & diet coke (not a calorie thing… a HFCS thing) calling my name as my growling belly and I drove right past the turn and made our way home for an egg sandwich!  Whew... what a work out!  I'm exhausted!

What I've learned the hard way:
When someone treats us poorly, or without respect, our feelings get hurt.

When our feelings get hurt, it can cause us to cry and then become angry.   Personally, I think hurt is the birthplace of most anger.

When we choose to keep the hurt to ourselves to avoid conflict (or hurting the other person’s feelings), we end up getting more angry (usually).
 
When this anger is kept inside, it usually ends up escalating by the minute… like a pot of boiling water with a lid on it.  Now we're furious with the person... almost disproportionately so, if we stop to think about it. 
 
We need to keep in mind that when we don't tell that person that we felt disrespected or hurt, then we are partially to blame for what we are feeling inside.  Yes, we have a duty to speak up for ourselves.  It’s important that we own part of the anger! 
 
Our subconscious mind knows these rules.  Where do we think the extra anger comes from?  It’s that inner voice that is yelling at us to “Say something!” and “Stick up for yourself!”  When we don’t listen, the inner voice gets super irate at us.  This is usually what causes the pot to go from a simmer to an all-out boil! 
 
This doesn’t mean that we need to blow up at someone who has hurt us.  It simply means that we need to let off a little steam before the pot ever reaches the boiling point.  So, before you ramp up, talk it out… as uncomfortable as it may be!  Literally, just spit it out:  I felt hurt when you didn’t show up!

So, what if it’s too late and you’ve reached the boiling point? How do you solve this problem now?  Well, before you let the pot boil over, find out which part of the anger you are responsible for causing.  It’s not an easy task.  It can take days!  Yes, seriously, days!!
 
Ask yourself why you are really mad.  To find this out you may have to look beyond pain and pride.  You have to go back to the moment in time when your feelings were hurt.  Was it something small or something big?  When you talk to the person who hurt you, make sure to only give them their fair share of the anger. 
 
The goal of sharing our feelings is not to punish the other person for hurting us (as fun as that may sound sometimes)…
The real goal is two-fold:
1.  We learn how to express ourselves in the moment so nobody can walk all over us.
2.  We let the other person know how they hurt us so they won’t do it again. 
 
It’s a learning curve – each time we speak up we build our courage! It allows us to see the positive results of a few small words spoken proactively!
 
With belief,
Cindy

Quick Thought for the Day:
So often we think that just because the ‘worst of it’ has passed, we no longer have the right to feel overwhelmed.
Just because, while in the middle of the ocean, you have found a piece of driftwood that has kept you from drowning, doesn’t mean that you are still not stranded in the middle of the freakin’ ocean!

There are so many sayings that are true and helpful.  Then there are those sayings that are true, but not helpful. One of those extremely true, but hardly ever helpful sayings has only five little words:

It Can Always Get Worse

No!!!!!!!!!! Not the dreaded ‘It can always get worse’ response! That saying pretty much falls under the ‘No kidding, Captain Obvious’ category!  One thing that I’ve learned over the years is that telling someone who’s already having a really bad day that it can always get worse is not at all helpful.  There is no comfort in this.  It’s actually like anti-comfort.  It does nothing but invalidate that person’s feelings, thus making them feel even worse. (I guess they were right… it did just got worse... thanks a bunch!)

When someone tells you that your problems can be much worse, you may start to doubt your own feelings. It adds insult to injury when you have to question if you actually deserve to be stressed out over your very own bad day. Here is the thing:  Understand that the person telling you it can get worse doesn’t mean any harm.  Trusting yourself is the key. 
Remember:
If you only want someone to listen, make sure to let them know.  
Only you know if you are overwhelmed. 
Only you know which factors led you to this point. 
Only you know how far you can bend before you break. 

My general thought on advice is: 

            If you cannot make things better, at least don’t make them worse!

I can remember having a conversation with a co-worker a few years ago.  She felt bad complaining about the tough week she was having because it was far less hectic than mine.  I told her that if there is one thing that I’ve learned over the years, and know for certain, is that hard is hard no matter what!

I told her that she has every right to say that she is having a difficult day, even if it isn’t up to someone else’s level of difficult.  Her rough day could be one of the hardest days she’s ever experienced!  Just because it’s not as hard as someone else’s, doesn’t mean that it doesn’t suck!  Bad days are bad days!

When we tell someone that their troubles can be worse, we’re often judging them and their situation based on a moment in time… a brief snapshot.  You may look at them crying because they just spilled something on their outfit.  You think to yourself:  What’s the big deal?  It’s not worth crying over.  However, that spill may not be the first bad thing that happened that day.  It could simply be the straw that broke the camel’s back. 

Never judge based on that snapshot, even if you think you know the person and see a bigger picture, you can never be sure…  Just because you see a snapshot of a mountain climber who has reached the pinnacle of the mountain, doesn’t mean you have any idea what specific challenges that they went through to get there, even if you’ve climbed the same mountain!

So, when a friend comes to you to say that they are having a bad day, just listen.  Don’t try to make them feel better by explaining to them that it could be worse.  Don’t tell them that they have no idea what a hard life looks like because yours is much more difficult.  It may be true, but think back to the first time you thought your life was hard… before your ability to withstand difficulties stretched to what, each time, you thought was your limit.  Remember that hard is hard!    

Here’s an alternate response.  It’s something that I learned from my friend Brenda 30+ years ago.  She always listened to what I had to complain about with open ears, an open heart and a closed mouth.  When I was done talking, no matter what I was going through, she would share those five little words. 

No, not these five words: 
                                                              It Can Always Get Worse

She shared these five words:

               I Have Faith in You!

Those words made me feel like she trusted me to do whatever it took to make it through my day!  Those words made me realize that someone believed that I could survive the tough times without crumbling.  Those little words made me realize I wasn’t alone in the world!   

      A little faith has gone a very long way!

Cindy 

At what age do we stop feeling like we are allowed to pull out our Super Hero Capes? Do you even know what your cape looks like anymore? Do you have any idea where or when you packed it away?
Well, this morning, without realizing it, I must have put on my Super Hero Cape!
> Woke up at 6:55 am and was out the door by 7:15 am.
> Arrived at the dealership at 7:30 to get my car serviced.
> Got back home by 8:35 to get kids to Vacation Bible School by 8:45. We made it by 8:55 am (we were 10 minutes late - remember, good enough is the new perfect)
> I then ran home to brush my teeth and get to the dental cleaning for 9:15.
> I finished at 9:55, ran to buy my son lunch because we ran out of jelly for his sandwich (apparently I've lost my Grocery Shopping Super Hero Cape).
> I dropped his sandwich off at VBS by 10:15 am and ran home to get ready to be into work by 11am. I made it in by 11:02!
> I worked until 8pm at which time I came home to clean, make dinner and begin my correcting! Whew!!
So, you see... today my Super Power was Time Management.

Think about your day, week or month. Are you a person who lends a hand when needed? Do you make people smile or laugh with your positive attitude? Are you the type who does random acts of kindness for strangers? Are you the protector of our furry friends? Do you have amazing listening ears? Are you a volunteer, police officer, fireman or teacher?
We all have 'our thing' that makes us special. What's yours? What Super Hero Cape do you wear?

Here we are… back for our final blog post (for now) on depression. Thanks for reading and allowing me to share this journey with you.  I want you to keep in mind that this may be my story, but honestly, my name doesn’t matter!  It can actually be anyone’s narrative. 
I might be the person sitting next to you at work who is on the quiet side.  I could be the teen you see riding the bus home from school sitting by himself with his head leaning against the window.  I may be the new mom who has a smile on her lips that doesn’t quite reach her eyes! I can be the person in the store who you think is mean or crabby, but who just doesn’t have the energy to smile.  It’s so hard to be able to judge why people act the way they do.  We never know what another person is going through or who they really are at first glance.  It’s sort of like a Super Hero in their ‘day clothes’.  You can you look closely at them, but you may never know that you are looking upon a warrior.
Over the years I have met some pretty wonderful people who I learned, through candid conversation, have also suffered through this wonderful amusement park of nastiness just like me.  They have their Super Hero cape hidden under their clothing as well, although you’d never guess it. 
It was always extremely helpful to know that I wasn’t alone… even though I always felt alone.  You see, it’s so hard to explain depression to someone who has never had depression.  More often than not they often believe, like I did before Postpartum Depression knocked on my door, that it was a mind over emotion thing and didn’t really exist.  There is no real way to explain what it feels like to be without hope, or the will or energy to find hope.  It is helpful for another person to recognize the level of dedication and strength it takes to simply pull yourself out of bed in the morning. Sometimes validation is empowering!
There are some days when you’ve accomplished the most difficult task of your day, simply getting up and getting ready.  You might be on your way to work or to do some other errand and it hits you.  You are so depressed that nothing can make you happy, not thoughts of your beautiful children or your adorable dog!  How can that be possible? You are shocked, disgusted and ashamed… at least you would be if you could work up the energy for all of that emotion.
You actually feel like you are not really connected to anything around you.  The radio is on, but you’re not listening… Unless, of course, Linkin Park or Evanescence is playing… then somehow you accept their invitation and you climb into their words and feel at home!  It is the only company that you can bare to be around because nothing will be expected from you… not even a smile. 
It’s hard to be depressed because it’s not a visible illness.  If you had a visible illness, then nothing would be expected of you. You would be allowed to rest up and get better.  But, when you suffer from this disease, your suffering is usually inside.  You only exist as a shadow of yourself; unless you have a friend or family member who recognizes the signs, or you can ignore the voices in your head telling you that you’re better off this way, you’ll never get better.  
I’d like to say that I eventually got a one-way ticket back home to my happy place, but sadly I end up escorted back there to the darkness every once in a while.  The bully just shows up at my door and escorts me back to the place of sadness and shadows.  I’ve learned to see him coming and proactively prevent him from getting too close.  Sometimes I don’t go quietly.  I won’t let him take me without a fight.  Sometimes I even win the battle!
You eventually get so practiced at the trip back home that it gets easier each time.  That’s the thing about success ~ it gives you hope!  Hope is a feeling that is strong enough to fight the bully and strong enough to defeat him (along with medication if needed).  When you have hope and faith that something will happen, it’s easier to make it happen.  It’s tough to be on a constant look out though, but you have to be vigilant because that damn bully can hang out and wait a long time.  Depression has to wait, because he’s nothing without a victim!  I won’t be a victim!  I will keep my Super Hero cape with me at all times!
With hope, faith and belief,
Cindy

Professionals:  Doctors have different thoughts on the matter.  Some prescribe therapy and/or drugs. They’ll validate your illness and help you overcome it, even if it takes trial and error.  However, there are some that will tell you that it’s all in your head.  I actually went to a female specialist for thyroid issues a few months after my son was born. I couldn’t lose the weight like I did after my daughter was born, and my hair was falling out.  When the doctor was done with her observations and testing, she basically told me that I was 'clinically obese and that I should get off my depression meds, get on with my life and get over it’!!!  Yes, she shared this with me all in one breath!  Seriously, if I truly wasn’t depressed when I came into her office, I would have been when I left. I wanted to say, “Duh!!  Of course I’m not depressed.  I’m on depression meds!”  However, I figured that since she was the specialist that she must be right.
So, I left her office and figured she was the expert and off my meds I went!  I quickly spiraled downward once again.  My kids were 3 ½ and just under a year… and all I could do was sit in a chair and stare blankly out the window.  There was no joy, only emptiness.  The stress of going anywhere or simply just trying to feed my kids was immensely overwhelming.  It was a daily battle!
I remember the day when just before lunch (what was I thinking) I had finally found the energy to change my son into his daytime clothes.  He ate a banana and ended up smashing some of it on his clean shirt.  I yelled and cried like someone had just shoved me to the ground, because that’s what it felt like.  I was too tired to clean him up again.  I knew that bananas would stain if I let it set without a quick washing.  This one simple, every day event knocked me off balance once again.  The Bully was back in plain sight! 
I made an appointment with my regular doctor and she listened to me with belief, validation and understanding.  She was my hero!  So, that was it.  I went back onto my medication.  Before long the idea of putting my children in the car didn’t overwhelm me.  I smiled and had energy again.  Life with kids is tough enough without having to deal with a bully like depression. 
Some people don’t like medication… I have no problem with it at all.  I was never ashamed of taking it.  As a matter of fact, I met some of my good friends through joking around about depression and the struggles of motherhood.  Oh, what a lesson I learned from that encounter.  Trust yourself!!  If it doesn’t sound right to you, then it’s wrong!
People who have had Depression - There is, however, something to be said for knowing others who live with the ever-present bully named Depression.  It is comforting to know someone understands your daily battle.  We may not be able to ‘fix’ each other, nor would we try.  Just because we hang with the same bully, how he arrived at our doorstep is different for everyone.  However, there is something to be said for simply knowing someone understands the struggle.  
My suggestion is that we should not be ashamed of sharing our struggles.  It’s OK to talk about it without being afraid of looking as if we are weak ~ if you battle depression then you are anything but weak!  Your ability to share can be a turning point in another person’s private battle against depression.
TO BE CONTINUED: