What Five Little Words Can Make a Big Difference??

There are so many sayings that are true and helpful.  Then there are those sayings that are true, but not helpful. One of those extremely true, but hardly ever helpful sayings has only five little words:

It Can Always Get Worse

No!!!!!!!!!! Not the dreaded ‘It can always get worse’ response! That saying pretty much falls under the ‘No kidding, Captain Obvious’ category!  One thing that I’ve learned over the years is that telling someone who’s already having a really bad day that it can always get worse is not at all helpful.  There is no comfort in this.  It’s actually like anti-comfort.  It does nothing but invalidate that person’s feelings, thus making them feel even worse. (I guess they were right… it did just got worse... thanks a bunch!)

When someone tells you that your problems can be much worse, you may start to doubt your own feelings. It adds insult to injury when you have to question if you actually deserve to be stressed out over your very own bad day. Here is the thing:  Understand that the person telling you it can get worse doesn’t mean any harm.  Trusting yourself is the key. 
Remember:
If you only want someone to listen, make sure to let them know.  
Only you know if you are overwhelmed. 
Only you know which factors led you to this point. 
Only you know how far you can bend before you break. 

My general thought on advice is: 

            If you cannot make things better, at least don’t make them worse!

I can remember having a conversation with a co-worker a few years ago.  She felt bad complaining about the tough week she was having because it was far less hectic than mine.  I told her that if there is one thing that I’ve learned over the years, and know for certain, is that hard is hard no matter what!

I told her that she has every right to say that she is having a difficult day, even if it isn’t up to someone else’s level of difficult.  Her rough day could be one of the hardest days she’s ever experienced!  Just because it’s not as hard as someone else’s, doesn’t mean that it doesn’t suck!  Bad days are bad days!

When we tell someone that their troubles can be worse, we’re often judging them and their situation based on a moment in time… a brief snapshot.  You may look at them crying because they just spilled something on their outfit.  You think to yourself:  What’s the big deal?  It’s not worth crying over.  However, that spill may not be the first bad thing that happened that day.  It could simply be the straw that broke the camel’s back. 

Never judge based on that snapshot, even if you think you know the person and see a bigger picture, you can never be sure…  Just because you see a snapshot of a mountain climber who has reached the pinnacle of the mountain, doesn’t mean you have any idea what specific challenges that they went through to get there, even if you’ve climbed the same mountain!

So, when a friend comes to you to say that they are having a bad day, just listen.  Don’t try to make them feel better by explaining to them that it could be worse.  Don’t tell them that they have no idea what a hard life looks like because yours is much more difficult.  It may be true, but think back to the first time you thought your life was hard… before your ability to withstand difficulties stretched to what, each time, you thought was your limit.  Remember that hard is hard!    

Here’s an alternate response.  It’s something that I learned from my friend Brenda 30+ years ago.  She always listened to what I had to complain about with open ears, an open heart and a closed mouth.  When I was done talking, no matter what I was going through, she would share those five little words. 

No, not these five words: 
                                                              It Can Always Get Worse

She shared these five words:

               I Have Faith in You!

Those words made me feel like she trusted me to do whatever it took to make it through my day!  Those words made me realize that someone believed that I could survive the tough times without crumbling.  Those little words made me realize I wasn’t alone in the world!   

      A little faith has gone a very long way!

Cindy